New-to-Me Small Crawl January 2014

Hey Gang, long time no talk.  Mark here.

With the new year upon us, it seemed mandatory to tackle some new bars.  Besides, Melissa had fallen way behind with posts so it was a good excuse to bike into town for some drinks.

Our first stop was Seadog Tavern. It's a long, slender strip of a bar that rose from the old back bar of Cowboy Bill's.  It's just a half block west of Duval on Angela Street. We were pretty early so we were also the first customers of the day. 

They have a nice variety of beers I hadn't tried and Deena, the bartender, let us sample them.  I chose a Funky Buddha (how could you resist the name) from a brewery named Floridian and Melissa ordered a UFO.  They also have daily food specials so I went with the Beer and Hot Dog for $5.  Melissa couldn't pass up the tacos.  I don't have a full list of their food specials but I remember that one was $.39 wings all day. I think that was on Thursdays. Both Melissa and I were real pleased and we will definitely stop back. 

Our next stop was just a half block away and back on Duval Street - Mangoes.

It was a very cool day so the heaters over their bar were really welcome. The bartender that day was Dan and he claimed his Mojito was the best in the island.

That's a gutsy claim to make to me.  I'm really picky about Mojitos but I like a guy with confidence in his craft. I gave him a shot. His mix was spot-on but I like mine with a subtler lime flavor. Dan's was great but he sits at number two on my list. Bahama Bob still makes the best on on the island. Melissa ordered their version of a Southernmost Punch, which is a rum punch with mango instead of orange juice. She loved it and followed it up with something called, Southernmost Punch a la Dan. Whatever was in his secret mix wasn't as sweet as the first, so about halfway through, I took over and finished for her. Big props to Dan.  I love a bartender who treats his job as a profession.

Now, for those of you tempted to cry "foul" and disqualify Melissa from the crawl for failing to finish her drinks, I have carefully examined all aspects of Rule 3 and she is OK.  I tried hard but I really couldn't find any verbiage relating to finishing your drinks.  You just need to order the drinks.  That's a clear oversight that will certainly be addressed at the next meeting of the Rules Committee.

Next up was Margaritaville. As I have said before, we generally sidestep the touristy places but it was high time to check out Jimmy Buffet's place in the center of Duval.  Melissa was hungry and happily ordered their corn and crab chowder. It was a shallow bowl of creamy satisfying soup with corn and chunks of crab served with oyster crackers for $6.99.   As usual, we had a nice chat with the couples seated beside us. 

For drinks, we both ordered a 5 o'clock Somewhere.  It's the Maragaritaville version of a Hurricane, made with authentic silver rum, margaraita paradise passion fruit, tequila, bacardi 151 rum, sour mix, orange and pineapple juice and a splash of grenadine on the rocks for $8.75.  The food and drinks were both very good and the ambiance was relaxing. A huge video screen on the backwall plays continous videos of Buffet and friends helping to cement the beach paradise flavor. I can see how it will appeal to vacationers. The big down side, even for Duval Street, their prices were a bit high. If you're a Buffet fan, that's easier to overlook. 

Our last stop was at a joint named 2 Cents.  Like Seadog, it's tucked about 1/2 block west of Duval, on Applerouth Lane and conveniently located beside Leather Master - a bondage boutique. (This IS Key West.)  :)  They have a small window display for those too timid to go inside. 

Melissa grabbed a table while I headed straight to the bar to order drinks. Here is a quick pic with some new friend I made while I waited for the bartender to mix our drinks.

2 cents has a couple interesting gimmicks for your Happy Hour.  First, they put cups of bacon out for their patrons and, second, you can roll the dice to determine the price of your drinks.   I gave it a shot and rolled a 2.  My drinks were $2 each. If I had rolled a 4, 5 or 6, they would have been full price.  A 3 gets you half price and a 1 gets you a drink for a buck.  I ordered Mojito for Melissa and I for the life of me, can't remember what I ordered.  It doesn't matter, because both drinks stunk. Melissa didn't even finish hers. I rolled the dice and gave the bartender another shot, having the same as my new friends (pictured above) Again, I forget what I ordered but like before, it doesn't matter. It was another dud. We won't be back. The bartender was cute but not nearly cute enough to cover up for those drinks.  Miss Florida would have barely been enough to make up for those.

Melissa claims she has 4 or 5 posts in various stages of writing. Hopefully, she has something up in the next couple of weeks. Until then...Chao

The Most Interesting Bar in Key West

Your long distance, but faithful correspondent, Mark is back.  This post is a bit long but I think you'll understand.

With apologies to Sloppy Joe's and every other place near Duval Street, for pure character, I think Capt Tony's is the unquestioned leader of the pack. Where else do you get pirates, hangings, tombstones, Jimmy Buffet and Hemingway on one package?  It bills itself as the "Original Location of Sloppy Joe's" but it's way more than that.

It's easy to find.  It's a big yellow building just a half block west of Sloppy Joe's on Greene Street and barely off Duval.  There is a big ole Goliath Grouper out front as part of it's sign. Definitely hard to miss.  After you've had some Pirate Punch, go outside, stand with your back to the fish and try to throw a coin in it's mouth.

This building truly was the original location for Sloppy Joe's and where Hemingway spent much of his time from 1933-1937. But all good things must get screwed up. In 1937, in a dispute over the rent, Joe Russell moved his place just down the street to it's current location.  In 1958, this old bar was bought by a Key West icon, Tony Tarracino. He was a boat captain, gun runner and former Mayor.  Hence, the current name.  Tony ran for office on the platform that he intended to drink, gamble and chase women until the day he died.  He also declared himself the most honest politician in America.  He was elected.  Classic Key West.

When you first enter the door closest to Duval, you'll immediately notice a large tree growing through the floor.  Back in the day, it was deemed perfect for hanging pirates.

Unfortunately, when they began to construct the building, they found that dead pirates didn't get much of a burial.  They apparently dragged them a short distance away and dropped them in shallow graves.

Today, beneath the pool tables lie the remains of a whole bunch of them.  Don't worry, if you look around the base of the wall, you'll see the bottles of holy water that keep their spirits quiet. Go ahead and enjoy your game.

By now, you have certainly noticed that the ceiling is covered in signed bras, dollar bills and business cards.  If you want to add yours, just ask the bar tender for the staple gun.



 The bar stools are painted with the names of famous people who have sat on them and, in many cases, were frequent patrons.  The biggest names, are actually on stools now hanging from the pool room ceiling.

If you come in the door just a little farther east of Duval, there is, almost always, a singer playing guitar for the folks. On this day, it was a talented fellow named, Gary. That is exactly where Jimmy Buffet got his start.  As a matter of fact, if you go into the Men's Room, you can see where he penned the chorus to "Last Mango in Paris." I wonder what he was doing at the time?

Yes, Ladies, women go in there all the time.  Guys, if it's a late Friday or Saturday, they don't always knock.

If you thought this was enough, you are sooo wrong.  It's time to tell you about the two tombstones you'll find.  Over near the pool tables, there is a tombstone in the floor (hell, it's apart of the floor) that belongs to a girl named Elvira.

She once worked in the kitchen and was married to an older guy who drank wildly and elevated carousing and philandering to new heights, even while she was in back.  One day, she had enough and came out and slit his throat. Although they didn't see any recourse to hanging her (especially after she killed her kids, too), they liked her well enough to keep her close.  I guess, true friends are forever. Today, she haunts the place as "the Lady in Blue."

The second stone is at the base of the tree but no one is buried under it. (Didn't expect that, did you?) The stone belongs to an old girlfriend of Tony's. Supposedly, when she passed away, her husband found old love letters between her and Tony.  He got angry, ripped up the stone, drove it to Key West and threw it down outside the bar. He yelled in the door, "If you want her so bad, you can have her!"  Unfazed, Tony had the stone brought in and protected in case the husband changed his mind but he never came back.

Now, there is no way you will ever go to Key West and not visit Tony's, is there?

“All you need in this life is a tremendous sex drive and a great ego, brains don’t mean a shit,”  Capt Tony.

Tourists on the Crawl

We had a great visit, yesterday with Candy Gandolfi Martin and her husband Bob.Those goobers drove all of the way down from the Sarasota area during the wee hours of the morning for a day trip!  That's dedication.

We met them at The Green Parrot. The Parrot is a great old historic place that has been there since 1890. 

It's a popular spot with a great story so I'll save that for a full post. 

When we first arrived, Bob was in the shop getting a T-shirt.  When he came out, we ordered drinks and settled in to catch up. Candy was looking forward to some beach time but, it only took a few minutes befor Bob declared his intention for full Bar Crawl credit. I liked Bob. 

Here's a pic at the Parrot with Candy, Melissa and I.  

Melissa left us here to go write for a few hours.

From The Green Parrot, we headed up to show them the place we think is the most interesting bar in Key West, Capt Tony's.

Although it trumpets itself as the original location of Hemingway's old hangout, Sloppy Joes, Capt Tony's back story is  much richer.  I won't tell the whole story here, but it includes pirates, hangings and Jimmy Buffet.  How is that for a tease to another post?

After that stop, Candy wanted drinks at the Smallest Bar but, for some reason, it wasn't open. Instead we stopped at the famous Sloppy Joe's and grabbed seats at the front bar.  Candy almost went for just a soft drink!  No kidding. We were all just as shocked as you guys.  Props to her, though, she quickly changed her mind and added a dose of rum.  Her crawl lived on! I'll break here for your applause..........

Three down.  That's a solid Small crawl. Two more stops and they would earn official credit for a full Bar Crawl. Candy talked about maybe heading over to the beach before they hit their final stops but, I pointed out that it would be a violation of Rule 3, sec 6 of the Key West By Laws.

Rule 3, sec 6

         “All activity must be consecutive.  The Bar Crawl or Small Crawl shall be deemed terminated for a participant in the event of any of the following;

a.   A participant enters and departs a drinking establishment without ordering an alcohlic drink

b.   A participant departs the establishment for 20 or more minutes.

c.   Participants enter any establishment with a liquor license and fail to order drinks.  In the event that it is a food stop, participants must also order a drink at the restaurant.  In that event, the stop is counted toward the Crawl.

That clinched it,  We pressed ahead. The lady's a trooper. The final two stops were easy. The Smallest Bar still hadn't opened so we diverted into The Bull. This is the place where Melissa and I go to hear Dawn Wilder sing. Melissa rejoined us here and Stop #4 was soon complete.

From there we slid on down to Caroline's for Cuban sandwiches and rum.  Not only was the Crawl complete but we had finished before 3pm.  One of our earliest ever!  That even gave them enough time to get Candy to the beach.

 Bob and Candy, you guys were tons of fun and you're welcome back any time! 

New-to-Me Small Crawl: Round 1

Guess who? Mark, of course. Pretty soon, I'm gonna demand co-author credit for this blog.  I bet I could even swap out Melissa's profile and picture and she wouldn't even notice.

We've been down here over a year now and, although we arrived with heartfelt intentions to experience a wide variety of the restaurants and bars, we quickly found places we liked and settled into a routine. That's sooo wrong.  We had taken a solemn oath to maintain a wide knowledge base of the Duval Street area for our future guests. We devised an easy fix; the New-to-Me Bar Crawl. The primary rule is simple, we can't go to any bar unless one or more of the participants have never had a drink there.

When we jumped on the bikes and headed to town, yesterday, we intended a full-fledged NTM Bar Crawl.  Unfortunately, we got a bit of a late start and then, later, had a hang fire on a food order. Both miscues cost us precious Happy Hour time and, in the end, we were only credited with a small crawl.

Under the Key West By-Laws, Rule 3, sec 5,

"No adventure shall be deemed a Bar Crawl unless participants order drinks in, at least, 5 establishments.  In the event that participants experience between 2 and 4 establishments, said adventure shall be deemed a "Small Crawl."

Our first stop was Grunts. It's a small place on the north side of Caroline St about a half block west of Duval.  It's a marvelous spot. Just around the corner from the livelier times of Duval St, it gives you all of the comfort of a neighborhood bar.

 They only offer beer and wine but that's just fine for a neighborhood bar.  The servers and bar staff are sociable, pleasant and professional.  Debbie's also pretty darn cute, isn't she?

During Happy Hour, draft beers are $2.75 and domestic bottles are $3.

After 5:30, you can order food and that seemed like a smart idea.  The menu is limited but we ordered the fish tacos. Somewhere along the line, our order got lost but I prefer not to blame Debbie. I'm sure it wasn't her fault. We probably lost about 30 precious  minutes of Happy Hour. That meant one less stop. When the tacos arrived,  though, I loved them.

When you stop by Grunts, you can have a seat inside, at the bar, or relax at a wrought iron table in the courtyard.  Either option is well worth your time.

Next up, we stopped by the Smallest Bar. Its the ultimate hole-in-the-wall.  You could probably fit about 4 people inside. (Challenge accepted?)

John, the bartender was a really engaging guy.  That big ole smile is real. He's as friendly as a puppy. We decided to test him with a couple drinks and he nailed the mix.

Like us, John's only been down here about a year and a half. I could have hung out and BS'd with him for hours.  We'll definitely stop back to see him.

  Our final stop for the night was the Hog's Breath Saloon. It may be a bit surprising that we hadn't been there yet, but, as a rule, we tend to avoid the more commercialized places.  It was a disappointment. The service was perfunctory and the place just didn't feel warm at all.  Unless we are with someone else who wants to stop there, I doubt we'll be back. There are too many other places that feel more welcoming.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the New-to-Me Bar Crawl.  We haven't go it scheduled yet but I've got a couple weeks off so it could be soon.